I'm curious, how resilient do you think you are when it comes to rejection and criticism?
We all know what it’s like to be rejected or criticised, don't we? It hurts. It can really set us back, destabilising our sense of self and bruising our egos. And if there’s one thing we don’t like, it’s our ego’s taking a battering! The thought alone can induce anxiety in us! Understandably then, most people seek to avoid being rejected or criticised it at all costs.
But you aren't like most people, are you? And a creative path, by its very nature, isn't like most paths.
You want to put your creative self and work out into the world. And on this kind of path, setbacks are non-negotiable.
You might hear, read or feel the word "No" in all kinds of ways. Sorry, no. Thanks but, no. The no reply, no. The knowing look, no. The absolutely not, no. The nearly yes but no, no.... to name just a few. Your work will be criticised and judged by people you don't even know. Some people you actually like, won't like what you're doing. And that's not to mention the biggest judge of them all - the one inside your head.
Managing these inevitable setbacks, means regularly digging deep into your inner resources, knowing how to find your centre when a blow has spun you off course, re-kindling the flicker of hope and cultivating the courage to bounce back and persist with the pursuit of your dreams.
This is not easy.
Am I cut out for this? Am I too sensitive? Is my skin thick enough? Do I really have enough stamina and resilience to keep going?
Many will seriously question their ability to chart such a challenging path. Yes, every setback is an opportunity to learn and grow but when the learning curve has been vertical for so long, how do you prevent yourself from sliding down it, time and time again?
“Why are you choosing to do this when it makes you feel like this? Why don’t you just quit and do something else?” A well meaning (but conventionally minded) loved one might ask.
They don’t understand.* You didn’t choose this. This calling chose you. You can’t just quit. You can’t do something else. Well, technically you can but deep down when you know you in your soul that you can’t, doing something else would feel like betraying yourself.**
You don't want to get to the end of your days and regret the life you didn't live. So you must pick yourself up and keep going.
In many cases, it isn't that you have too little resilience but that there have simply been too many blows, too many setbacks, a landscape that lacks opportunity, and a shortage of real and evidenced success or meaningful experiences to call upon (recent or at all).
This honest reality check doesn't solve the problem but it does help us gain a measure of where we might be unfairly internalising or distorting things.
Resilience is also more than just bouncing back. It’s about bouncing back with an awareness of how each setback might have changed us, our actions and our attitudes along the way.
We need practical and personalised strategies in place to support us to do this. Below are some questions designed to help you review where you and your resilience are at...
Q. How might the knocks you've experienced have dented the intention and direction of your actions?
What is your self-talk saying? Are you lovingly soothing and affirming yourself and your worth? Or are you settling for less because you’ve begun believing you’re a worthless, deluded fool?
Are you resiliently ploughing on but stubbornly refusing to fine tune your actions to the lay of the land? Building a protective moat is understandable when you've taken a battering. But eventually you’ll want and need a bridge to get out.
Are you moving forward at all?
Q. Can you think of a time in the past when you smoothly bounced back after a blow? (If you can’t think of a time, then dream one up).
What mental, physical and spiritual practices did you have in place?
Did you have a good handle on the voices in your head?
Was it easier to move on because practically speaking there were more things to move on to?
Did you have good people around you? Good, honest and encouraging people.
What else?
Q. How might the storms have weathered and changed you as a person? Does this change support the vision of who you want to be? If yes, great! If not, start to focus your creative energy on developing that person. Who do you want to be? And how do they act? Get really specific here. Bit by bit, can you do your way into being? I believe you can.
Let's get to the end of our lives and feel proud of the efforts we made and the person we grew into as we made them. No regrets. Deal?
Let me know how you get on! And if you know someone who might like this email, feel free to forward it on to them.
Oh, and here's a playlist I made for us. I find it helps me to conjure up the right kind of resilience. I hope you do too.
Do more of what you love and love more of what you do.
With love
Fi X
* Dealing with loved ones who don't get it is a big topic! One for another email perhaps?? What do you think?
** Sometimes when you dig deep, you find that what once felt so fundamentally part of you and everything you do, no longer holds the same meaning it once did. The path really has come to a natural end or completion. But big life decisions and changes like this are best made when we aren't in a reactionary, ego bruised state of adrenaline or upset. It's important to be a clear and calm headed navigator, don't you think?
P.S - I believe support is the magic ingredient for a thriving creative life. Through these emails I share ideas, resources and personal reflections designed to support you and your creativity.
Can you support me to support you? I'd love to know, what are you struggling with most at the moment when it comes to your creative ideas, career or business? Reply now and let me know. (I will personally read and reply to your email)
